Lies Women Believe…About God

Lies Women Believe | Truth or Consequences

“I Don’t Believe That“

DeMoss has carefully curated 40 lies that Christian women believe for your guided road to repentance. The first six are related to lies centered on God, and DeMoss kindly reminds you that she is in fact not the final authority in these matters – so, with this fun quote, let’s jump into the “God thing”.

If it is a cruel and revengeful God, the worshipper will be the same, but if it is a loving, tender, forgiving, unselfish God, the worshiper will be transformed slowly, wonderfully, into this likeness.

~The Unselfishness of God, Hannah Whitall Smith

So. Let’s take our modern approach and discover just what kind of God DeMoss worships.

God Is Not Really Good

If God was truly good, then why is there war? You’ve probably heard this counterargument before. Whether it’s Satan destroying your life or Eve ruining everything, how can these things be with God being so good?

The response I have heard most often to this is the trump card “God’s Will”. You have cancer? It must be part of God’s Will. You lost your job and can barely afford food? It’s all part of God’s “Plan”. That hurricane destroyed your entire city and thousands of people are homeless and are forced to start over? That sucks for you, but don’t worry, God willed that into being for your own good.

“God’s Will” creates a space for Christians to push their agenda in a real time of need. Turning a crisis into an example of punishment commits Christianity to a cycle of control and exploits people’s emotional needs. Instead of acting like a real person with compassion and kindness and tenderness, this “everything happens for a reason” mentality distances Christians from embracing the servant nature that Jesus was always talking about and practicing in the Gospels. You actually can house the shelterless and feed the hungry without having to slip a Christian pill in there. You also don’t need to be a superhero; just be a positive, selfless servant to better someone else’s life (part of that ethics code we talked about in Truth or Consequences.)

For the record, it was the Samaritan who helped the dying mugged man on the side of the road to the best of his abilities – not only because Jesus wanted his followers and fellow Jews to not be jerks to Samaritans but also because Jesus needed to emphasize that the religion label isn’t what makes you the good person. It has to come from your inner spirit. (The part that seeks tranquility and betterment of everything.)

Did God intend for the man to be mugged? Maybe. It depends on what your God is like. My God was upset when the man was left for dead on the side of the road and was soothed when the Samaritan lifted him up. My God rejoiced for the Samaritan’s selflessness in attending to his fellow man.

But maybe your God just wanted to teach someone a lesson, and the best way to do that was to kick a man while he was down and have the man’s enemy help him instead of his own brothers.

As DeMoss (and Psalms) states, God is good. If this holds true, then perhaps “God’s Will” is a force not spiritual but manmade as another tool to create complicitness in Christian followers.

A great many things in God’s divine providences do not look to the eye like goodness. But faith sits down before mysteries such as these, and says, “The Lord is good, therefore all that He does must be good no matter how it looks. I can wait for His explanations.

~ibid

That hurricane? A mysterious tragedy from the good of the Lord serving some mysterious good purpose. Can’t explain it; just know it to be true. (But you probably did something since Eve ruins everything.)

[This point isn’t even sexist; it just creates a space where no one has to truly care about others’ pain. We have sympathy and empathy for a reason.]

God Doesn’t Love Me

So, the interesting thing about God’s love (if your God is benevolent), is its conditionality. Christian leaders tell you that God’s love is unconditional, but that you don’t deserve it. Literally:

It is not based on my performance. I do not deserve His love and could never earn it.

Thanks, DeMoss. Let’s unpack this: so God does love me, but there’s nothing I can do about it, whatsoever, whether this love be true or not. So…The reality is God shouldn’t love me. God’s love’s existence becomes irrelevant when we obviously are so worthless that the Spirit we are trying to achieve communion with has no reason to love. So, you poor daughter of Eve, so inferior, designed to fail, can never amount to anything that is worth loving within this religion.

DeMoss pulls on more anecdotes as evidence:

As we wept and trembled when he took my bandages off the first time, I was so ugly, scarred, and bald. I was in intense grief that I could never be a whole wife to him again.

~A breast cancer survivor

Okay, wait, timeout! You survived breast cancer. You defeated this sickness that tried to kill you. That’s incredible. God rejoices that you’re alive!

Why are you upset that your tits are gone? Boobs don’t make you a woman, and they certainly don’t make you a “whole wife”. You, as you are, as this amazing person who beat cancer, are already whole, and if you are also a wife, then you are whole and a wife. Christian women have been so conditioned to believe that there are two things to be: a mother and a wife. Motherhood is largely synonymous with wifehood (because monogamy and abstinence and birth control). Therefore, for this woman, mother = wife = good. And now her “motherhood” has gone, so must her “wifehood”.

[Side Note: I realize that mastectomy can be a traumatic thing, and I have respect for women who have battled against breast cancer. You rock, regardless of your possession of mammaries. Life deserves to be celebrated, and every win you have over cancer is you living, being alive. If you were particularly attached to your boobs and would like some back, I recently came across Knitted Knockers. I recommend you check ’em out.]

You are a human being. You deserve love. And this is something I know to be true, because hundreds of strangers will selflessly knit you some new knockers, send you handmade cards – the list goes on. If women you don’t know will take up the Samaritan’s journey, and even though your religion tells you you’re extra worthless post-mastectomy, then it’s not God shouldn’t love you but the spirit embodies love.

God Is Just Like My Father

I’m actually going to take a bit of a backseat with this one. DeMoss is largely on target.

As women, our view of God is often greatly influenced by the men we have known — particularly our fathers[…]If you have been wounded by a father — or another man you trusted — you may find it difficult to trust God. You may even be afraid of Him or angry with Him[…]That is why it is so important that we not allow our view of God to be determined by other men, for at their very best they are flawed representations of God.

Things I want to add, women and non-binary folk can also influence our spiritual journey. While our spiritual journey is ultimately our personal responsibility for which we have to hold ourselves accountable, along the path we will encounter others who shift our own views to help shape our minds and hearts. Just as we have bodily autonomy (or should), so should we have spiritual autonomy.

That aside, how in the world are Christian women supposed to not be influenced by men, when they can’t be trusted to make their own decisions (because Eve ruined everything), and therefore, men have to be the heads – of the household, of the spiritual guidance, of the church, of the world, etc. Men are required by DeMoss’ beliefs to be the authoritative figure on everything in a woman’s life. Where does that leave room for a woman to not be influenced by a man? How can a woman determine her own view of God, when the correct one is forcibly spoonfed? Hmm, DeMoss? Anything? Bueller?

[Side Note: The view of God I was shown growing up was one that my own father was reflecting. He has the greatest temper I’ve ever seen in real life. I still don’t believe that he actually loves me, my siblings, or my mother. They’re still married (wasn’t sure for a while if that would be the case), and my dad has gotten old and just can’t scream like he used to. But there will always be a distance there – and neither is that the kind of God I can worship, if at all. So. In a way. Here we are, tearing apart DeMoss’s sexism, because my dad is not the role model he should have been.]

Those aside, for argument’s sake, can God be like a human? I mean, Jesus was human, but that’s not the same thing. God doesn’t have a body. Humans have bodies and spirits, so…No? God actually can’t be like my father?

I believe I shall revisit the “God the Father” thing separately.

God Is Not Really Enough

Okay, here, DeMoss and I widely disagree, and I will admit that I’m not sure if this “lie” is something I can tackle right here in this moment alone.

DeMoss viewpoint is that when we have a God-shaped hole in our hearts, we turn to everything other than God instead. According to DeMoss, all we need is the Bible and nothing else. Here I take issue.

When it comes down to it, we don’t believe God’s Word is truly sufficient to deal with our problems.

Okay, well, when we come down to it, the Bible, as it has been historically canonized for all Christendom, is manmade. Is the Bible actually culturally, temporally, logically, ethically appropriate to only study, without any other guidance, in order to achieve the the best spiritual balance? Spirituality is complicated. There’s little incentive to only read one book (that has been used to oppress millions of people throughout time and space).

I’m hungry for spiritual knowledge, and I recognize that there is a lot to learn archeologically, sociologically, and anthropologically from delving into various depths of the Bible – but I’m hungrier than that. I also read Tarot cards and meditate with and without yoga for various types of spiritual guidance. Being spiritual isn’t something that you kinda decide to do once or twice a week (like going to church); it’s not about the rites and the history. It’s about the inner growth of your spirit. I want to be able to live my life with my spirit and humanity coexisting serenely. That’s my spiritual goal. To commune my spirit and body and god all together.

So, DeMoss?

Do we truly believe God is enough, or are we looking to other things and people to fill the empty places of our hearts — food, shopping, friends, hobbies, vacations, our job, or our family?

What are you even talking about?

Yes, we need to balance our human needs and desires with our spiritual ones – but I’m definitely not going to punish myself for enjoying being alive.

God’s Ways Are Too Restrictive

Aka “No one has the right to tell you what you can or cannot do”. Which is partially true? Like, let’s not advocate anarchy. Some rules and laws exist to protect your or your neighbors safety; both are equally important.

But this is not the same idea as DeMoss’s “Obedience is the pathway to freedom”.

My only response to her is: What is this garbage?

First, there’s this thing called “civil disobedience” that literally is the pathway to freedom for those still oppressed in this fun American society we live in. Second, what about the Revolutionary War? That was a pathway to freedom. That pathway resulted in bloodshed.

Spiritually, this is very unhealthy advice, DeMoss. You subjugate every woman you set free after telling them not to be influenced by men! Don’t let your bad experience with men turn you off from God; instead, you should do everything those men in charge are telling you God says to do, so that God doesn’t stop loving you.

Are you accusing Christian women of friendzoning God, DeMoss?

What you are doing is using examples of depressed women to prove that women who make their own decisions only hurt themselves in the process and need to come back under men and God, because you can’t tell the difference between self-deprecating, self-loathing, and self-discipline.

What is it though? Self-discipline is the ability to control one’s feeling and overcome one’s weaknesses, and on its own, is not a negative thing to practice. However, there is a very thin line separating self-discipline from self-hatred: self-hatred is an extreme dislike (or hatred) of oneself or even being prejudiced against oneself. This causes low self-esteem and shame, which are not characteristics one typically wants attributed to them, but because one also is self-deprecating (or modest about criticizing oneself), one’s weakness becomes self-hatred. This self-condemnation process results in self-punishment (because at least one can be self-disciplined despite having prejudice against oneself), and psychology links this to mental illness (such as personality disorders, depression, even survivor’s guilt).

So…Obedience is less the pathway to freedom and more the pathway to self-destructive habits thinly disguised as believing some lie. When your health (physical or mental) is at stake, don’t dance around it. Depression is depression is depression, and that’s not something a Christian leader can yell out of you. Go see a medical doctor.

God Should Fix My Problems

Ugh, this has dissolved from “DeMoss is sexist” to “DeMoss doesn’t take your health seriously” – which is still a serious concern, but c’mon, lady! I bet you hate health insurance!

My problem with this “lie” is that this mentality shifts the blame from “me” to “God”. A relationship with God isn’t about material things; the point of a spiritual relationship is to achieve the purest spirit, one that is selfless, and calm, and resilient. If you have an issue with God for not solving life’s puzzles, you’re not really utilizing the relationship in the best way. We must actively seek out God, as our spirituality is our own responsibility.

That being said, you should also use your spirit and spiritual journey to better the world. I have already talked about how there is a moral and ethical obligation to create a healthier environment for everyone, and perhaps you can use your problem-solving skills to do that. But that’s your prerogative and your choice. This spiritual journey, regardless of how mature we are, does not “wrap us up in some sort of celestial cocoon” that distances us from the real world. In fact, we should actively throw ourselves in it, to the best of our abilities.

Quick! Lightning Round!

Our society is conditioned to think that we should not have to live with problems — that every problem must be “fixed”.

Wait, where is this going?

• Have a headache? Take Tylenol.

Seriously? How about don’t police others’ health? If someone needs Tylenol, don’t deny them that just because they need to suffer the pain.

• Don’t like your boss? Quit and get another job.

Uh, you also don’t have to like your boss. There are plenty of studies that conclude with happiness at the workplace is crucial for productivity and overall happiness. If your boss isn’t the right fit, don’t stay. Have you heard about the Uber nonsense?

• Don’t like your pastor’s style of preaching? Find another church.

You should be comfortable in your spiritual neighborhood…

• Can’t afford a newer car? Borrow.

I mean, that’s probably consumerism talking. Maybe take this chance for some financial planning, but it’s up to you! Maybe you need a newer car because you can’t afford to fix your current one?

• Men don’t notice you? Flirt a bit and dress in a way that attracts their attention.

Well, that’s just playing into the sexist stereotype, DeMoss, that women have to draw attention. Women can dress and conduct themselves how they please, regardless of men.

• Your husband is insensitive, addicted to sports, and doesn’t romance you like he did when you were dating? Find a man at work (or at church) who cares and is willing to listen.

You do deserve a partner who cares about you and listens and won’t hurt you. I thought that was a pretty standard relationship thing?

For many people, “Christianity” is nothing more than another way to get their problems solved.

Well. I mean, isn’t that why people like organized religion?

Slow, deep inhale through the nose…Slow, deep exhale through the mouth.

Lies Women Believe…About Themselves